My boy

The biggest deal in my life right now is Olyver turning ONE. In ONE week. I feel sad. This year flew by. I just look back and regret things already. I wish I wasnt so tired when I was working nights. I just want to be the best mom I can be. I want him to.have the best life. I want him to be happy and healthy. I want him to know I'll always love him, no matter what.

He is amazing. I cant put it into words. He is calm like his dad. He is mischievous. Curious. An absolute entertainer. Hilarious. He loves to laugh and make people laugh. He loves, with his whole heart like his momma. His puppies bring him so much happiness.

He runs all day long, non stop. Goes goes goes. He started walking right before he was 10 months. He is so smart. It absolutely amazes me.

He is definitely a boy. Hes stubborn when he wants to be. He loves food. The kid will eat onions! He loves drinks. Just like his daddy. Carrying them around all day. He loves his aunts and uncles. His gammie emal and him are in absolute love. He loves his daddy. When Wes walks in the room Oly runs up to him right away. He loves his momma. We make each other laugh all day long. We have snuggle time. He has so many of the same mannerisms as my dad. Sometimes ill look at him and it just takes my breath away. I know hes apart of him.

This little boy is loved. By so many people. He is lucky. But every one of us are even more lucky. He is an amazing boy. There is no other way to put it.

Just stupid stuff

Im so exhausted right now..
Im tired of dealing with the past.
Im tired of feeling like I'm "crazy"
Because I'm not.
No one gets what I've been through.
And I would give anything to talk to someone who did get it. And who knows how I feel.

And to add on to my ridiculous complaining. Im preeettttty tired of being in pain. Especially the past week. Its been absolutely horendous. To the point that im vomiting at night from pain. Its making my legs and back ache. I hate it. I cant wait to go to the dr friday. Hopefully he'll schedule surgery. Or do anything to help. I don't care at this point.

I'm lucky I have Olyver. He makes me happy. He makes me forget about the pain. Hes perfect.
I love my bug.

My Oly is a pro!

My boy has been walking for a few weeks. But, hes now all over!
Hes sooo good at it. A straight up professional! He takes off all by himself!
I cant believe how fast hes grown.Pics and vids coming soon! Our laptop is broken :(

Religion

I dont talk about it much, but I am a spiritual girl. I keep it more to my self. I was baptised Mormon. Am I Mormon? No. Am I baptist? No. Catholic? No.

Does that make me a bad person? No.

I believe in God. Before Olyver I didnt KNOW. But, something about carrying a baby, and then giving birth to him. You just can't deny that there is a higher power.

I believe there is a heaven, and a hell. I believe if your a good genuine loving person, regardless of if you go to church or not, drink, smoke, etc than you will go to heaven. I dont think people who attend church regularly and "follow" all of their churches rules are better than me or anyone else.

I dont believe in organized religion. I think its good to a certain point. I think it gets the best of people. Everything I've ever learned points to God being a supporting, loving person. He would not love anyone less because of their decisions.

For some odd reason so many people think they can play God and judge everyone around them because they arent doing what they think they should. People become hateful, judgemental, and hypocritical.

I'm going to give Olyver something many parents dont give their children, a choice. He will decide what, if any, church he wants to be apart of. He will make a choice of what HE believes in. Not what Wesley or I believe. He will know I believe in God. Ill pray with him. Ill take him to different churches. But, I refuse to force him to believe in something. Im going to teach him not to judge people because of their beliefs or decisions.

I want him to be and do what makes HIM happy. I'm sure I wont always agree, but I will love that boy with all of my heart regardless.

The truth and nothing but it :)

I have thee most amazing husband.
Seriously. He supports me in everything. I'm so nervous to go to school for so many reasons and he just makes every one of those reasons just disappear because he knows how bad I want it!

He works his butt off for us. He gets hardly any sleep to work and spend time with me. Anything I say I want he does everything possible to give it to me.

This weekend I was in horrible pain and sick. He constantly asked if he could do or get anything for me.

I am extremely ocd. About everything. I obsess over the dumbest things and worry way too much and he always makes me feel better.

Olyver is starting to walk so we practiced all weekend. Everytime Wesley stood him up to get him started he'd kiss Olyvers head! Wesley is thee sweetest dad and husband on earth. Everything he does is for Oly and I.

We are so lucky.

Another

So this is just something on my mind.
Another baby
I go through my mind every day why I do and why I don't want another..

I dont because I want to keep the somewhat okay body I have(haha) and I hate working nights.. I miss wesley and if we had another id be working nights for atleast 5 more years. Its the most exhausting thing ever. I want to go to school before we have another.

I want a little sister for olyver but know chances are we'll have a lil brother.. And thats still perfect.
I want to be pregnant one more time. Its the absolute most amazing thing ever. I love being a mom. More than anything. I love seeing that smile. I love comforting and taking care of him. I love entertaining him. How could I not do this again? How could I pass this up? I know it will be hard and exhausting. Of course I dread that part. Haha. But its all worth it in the end.

Whatever happens will happen..
We have our little booger.. Thats all that matters now

Stay at home

I absolutely love being a stay at home mama and wife. I get to take care of my babies all day every day!

Although its not good, Olyver is obsessed with me. It makes everything hard but, I secretly love it. He wants to play talk and snuggle all day. He loves following me from room to room. And just cant get enough of crawling and walking. I don't know how I do it haha!

Hes the happiest baby you'll ever meet. Non stop smiles and laughs. He thinks everything (especially when hes being naughty) is funny. arty and lila are his best buddies. He loves following them and is always sooo excited to see them. He definitely likes who he is. Posing for pictures, staring at his pictures and in the mirror with the biggest smile. He waves hi and bye non stop. Mama and dada are his only words so far, and it melts my heart every single time.

I could go on and on. I'm sure who ever reads this gets a lil sick of me talking about him. But, hes all I think about!

He makes me happy, beyond happy.

My next step

I really, REALLY, want to go back to school.
I think about it constantly and actually miss learning.
What makes me most nervous and scared is that I'm just not smart enough to go back!
It'll be hard with Olyver because I won't have as much time
but I know Wes will help me a lot, especially on weekends.
Just talking about it excites me beyond belief!

I want a better life for my boys, house of our own, and stability that the IRS doesn't really offer.
I want this soo bad.
Where to start?!?!

9 months

I can't believe my boy is 9 months old..
He is amazing.
I cant truly find the right words to say how I feel.
I always knew being a mom would be amazing but I can't even describe just how amazing it is.

Right when I think he's as perfect as it can possibly get, as his aunt b says "he works miracles everyday" He gets more perfect every single day.

He is a speedy Gonzales.. Best Crawler. He could walk and climb ALL day. He gives the best kisses and has the cutest wave hi and bye. He's a social butterfly. The most beautiful, contagious laugh and smile. Says mama and Dada with the sweetest voice. He has us both, and everyone else he knows wrapped around his finger. He's so loved.

How couldn't he be?
I'm lucky. Look at that beautiful boy.
I love my Olyver!

Can I just say...

I LOOOVE my new phone!
I can now blog from my phone again :) yay!!

My thoughts, my opinion.

I'm sure some won't agree with me. Fighting and arguments aren't my point for this.

This is just to share my opinion.

It makes my heart sad, and hurt to hear people talk badly about people who

just simply choose to live their life the way that makes them the happiest.

I cannot wrap my mind around why someone would have hateful thoughts, or words for them.

I think it simply just shows who you are as a person.

There are many times I don't agree with what someone is doing, or what they believe,

but I never go out of my way to be hateful and just down right rude.

Why can't people just learn to shut their damn mouths?

Leave all that negativity to your self!

This has absolutely nothing to do with religion. This just simply has to do with having a good, loving heart.

After all, wouldn't that be what God would want you to do? Be loving, accepting, and kind to others? No matter what their case is. Yea, I'm pretty sure.

"Every body's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality."

Vegas pics!

                                                              My handsome boy

                                                            Going late night swimming :)

Hes ready! (please ignore my fatness in all of these)

Our cute family

My lil fishy

Swimming with aunt tru

Too perfect

Ready to party!

Dada and Oly

Love them

Love love love..

It was a good weekend :)

Viva Las Vegas!

So, Friday afternoon we started our vaca to Vegas! Thank goodness I was feeling better!

Olyver was a complete angel the whole drive down. He is such an easy baby!
He had horrible allergies and was still so happy and easy going!
We got in a little late and went and saw Debbie and the house Cody was getting married in..
Talk about huge and beautiful!
We took a late night swim, and Olyver didnt want to get out. I would stand him up and he just kept sitting
right back down!

Saturday we woke up and went swimming for 3 or so hours. It was burning hot outside and we loooved it!
Olyver is such a little fishy! While everyone else was complaining the water was cold, he was splashing and
having a blast! After that he took a looong nap and we got ready, and went to the wedding.
Olyver was seriously the cutest thing alive. He is so handsome. I kept getting tears looking at him all night long!

The wedding was so beautiful and so much fun. I loved seeing my cousins and seeing Cody so happy.
I have the best family. Everyone says that.. But seriously. We have so much fun together.
We genuinely love each other with all of our hearts. I'm so lucky, and I'm so lucky Olyver has a whole group of fans. Everyone loves him so much!

The ride home was quick, thank goodness, and Olyver was even better than the first ride. He is so damn
perfect.

He has said mama, but he still has trouble.. he calls me bob, and its hilarious.
But this morning I woke up to dadadada mamamamama!!!!!
Then later he crawled over to me stood up and hugged me and yelled mamamama in my ear.
He is getting so big. he speeds across the floor and stands up constantly. He is sooo close to walking
and thats all he wants to do. He is so smart. And so amazing.

bad night

I have always tried my hardest to only post positive and happy things on here
But I've realized no life is perfect, nor is any person. So why not share?

So much has happened to be in my short 21(almost 22) years. A lot positive, but a lot
Of bad, horrible things. I am always one to share my emotions but not about a lot of
The serious things.. I hold them in. I always thought it was easier to do so because
Then I never had to face them.

I've come to a point in my life, thanks to Olyver and Wesley, that I want to be a better person.
I want to be what they deserve. I need to be happy for me to be able to be what they need. I need to confront what's happened to me. Its exhausting. And more than anything its overwhelming.

All I want is to work through all of these things and be what my boys deserve, and be the
person I know I can be.

Wish me luck...

Momma's day!

Mothers day means so much to me.

Of course my mom comes to mind. She is an amazing woman. Always devoted to us kids and Olyver.
She loves Wesley, Jared, Karlee, and any one else she comes in contact with like they are her own. After my dad died she raised us 3 kids alone. Regardless of her heart being broken and her entire world being torn upside down, she stayed strong and did everything she possibly could for us. I have had a hard life, and no matter what the case was she was there for me through absolute everything. She took care of me when I was sick and hurting. She cried with me when I was scared. She was there when Wes and I brought Olyver into this world. She loves my sweet boy as much as I do. She makes all of us kids laugh at no end. Shes not only our sweet beautiful mother, she is our best friend.

Secondly I think of the last year. Not a day goes by that I look at Olyver and have to ask my self how?
How did I of all people get so lucky? I never thought I would be a mom, I always wanted to be but I never expected it. I definitely did not expect to be a mom to such an amazing little man. I cannot put into words how he makes me feel. I have never been so happy, in love, and proud.
Hes only 8 months old and is my role model.

1 year

Well, Wesley and I's anniversary is on sunday. We celebrated it tonight because its on mothers day and we have plans!
I had so much fun. We went to Bistro 258 I believe, in Ogden. So yummy and nice.
We laughed the whole time. After he took me to take a little hike and we sat on the mountain together.
We talked about our sweet Olyver, where we were a year ago, our future, and the most random things.

After all that he kneeled in front of me and told me how much he loved me and how he was so happy we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. And more sweet things :) I bawled like a baby.

After we went to ice cream, came home and now he's laying next to me snoring!

I can't believe he's mine. A year ago I was 5 months pregnant. Now we have a beautiful amazing 8 month old son.
He's the love of my life. He's given me everything I could ever ask for and he still continues
To give. I'm so lucky.

And so in love :)

ABC's

I stole this from Chloe :)

 

A. Age: I'm 21. Wes is 28 and our Olyver boy is 8 months!

B. Bed size: A queen. We definitely need a king.

 

C. Chore you hate: I hate putting away laundry. I put it off forever, because thats how much I hate it.

 

D. Dogs: We have two beautiful sweet loving funny dogs. Arty is little and a trooper. When he was 5 months old he got his hip broken. For so long he hopped around on 3 legs and was always happy. Now he is all better(as much as possible after the surgery) and is such a happy boy. Lila is our baby girl. She loves with her whole heart! She is so sweet to Olyver and so patient with him.

I love them both!

E. Essential start to your day:  Olyver wakes me up we lay in bed together and snuggle then I change him bum and we play play play!!!

 

F. Favorite color:  green!

G. Gold or silver:  silver

H. Height: About 5'4.

I. Instruments: I have played the guitar and didn't keep up on it. Wes and I decided we're going to start Olyver early on drums. I can't wait.

J. Job title:  I'm a data transcriber. Wes is a supervisor. We are both parents and absolutely love it.

K. Kids:  My sweet Olyver. The best thing that has ever happened to me.

L. Live: Ogden. Wouldn't want to live any where else in UTAH. We however are thinking of Oregon, Colorado, or Texas. Not for awhile though.

M. Mom’s name: Vonny. Shes amazing.

N. Nicknames: Des, Brook. I call wes babe or dada. He calls me baby in a cute texan accent, or mama. We call Olyver Oly, booger, bubba, and buddy.

O. Overnight hospital stays:  I've had a few.

P. Pet peeve:  I hate when people are hypocrites, liars, or negative.

Q. Quote from a movie: hmm... I don't really watch movies. Not easy to do with a lil one, and I'd rather play with him.

R. Right or left handed:  Right.

S. Siblings: I have one sister and one brother whom both have spouses. Love them all, we are best friends. Wes has one brother that I unfortunately don't know that well.

T. Time you wake up: around 7. When wes is home around 9. Because he's so sweet!

 

U. Underwear:  good thing???
V. Vegetables you dislike:  I dont like squash or peas. I like everything else.

 

W. What makes you run late:  usually my mom or sister... haha!

 

X. X-Rays you’ve had:  too many.

Y. Yummy food you make:  I make killer french toast, enchiladas, oatmeal cookies, casseroles, and of course the best baby food around for my sweet boy.

Z. Zoo- favorite animal:  I love elephants and giraffes.

I'm back!!

So, I stopped doing this.. Mainly because well, I'm a working momma.
Im busy. That simple! I'm sure I wont even write a lot but oh well....

Heres a little update....

I'm working again. I work from 430 to 1 am.
Its so hard.  I get to bed at 2, Olyver wakes up around 2:30 and then again around 5. And then for good at 7, sometimes earlier.
I'm tired.

Wes works at 3 am. And gets no sleep too. And we never see each other besides the half hour after he gets off work. Its rough.

Olyver, well.. Hes just amazing.
He is walking. Yup, I have a walker.
He isn't a pro at it but he did 6 steps along today!
Right after he did that, he crawled.
I have never felt so proud in my entire life, but so sad at the same time!
My boy is growing up!

Also, this sunday, Mothers day, is Wesley and I's anniversary! One whole year!

Summary...
My life is exhausting, but wonderful :)

Date night

SOOO, last night Wes and I went on a date to Joe's Crab Shack... Mmmm.

(Thanks to Shaylee, I craved it all week!)

The night before we got online and looked at the menu

We like to plan ahead.

I saw a yummy pomegranate Pop Rocks drink.

You know pop rocks? You dump them in your mouth and get physically abused from the inside.

I was so excited.

We got there, I got it.

Well guess what? Freakin disaster.
I got physically abused all over.

I dumped them in, screamed as they popped everywhere.

Closed my eyes, and dumped the pop rocks all over the table.

Oh well! :)

It was a good night. I love date nights.

We talk about Olyver the whole time.

And always buy him souvenirs.

I love being a parent with Wesley.

And his wife!

My husband is better than yours :)

You are the strength,

That keeps me walking.

You are the hope,

That keeps me trusting.

You are the light,

To my soul.

You calm the storms,

And you give me rest.

You hold me in your hands,

You won't let me fall.

You steal my heart,

And you take my breath away.

You are my purpose,

You're everything.

I am just so in love.

He moved to Utah from Texas just to be with ME. He left everything, risked everything. Just for me.

He's my husband, best friend, love, partner, soul mate. He makes me laugh like no other. He is the dad of our sweet boy, and I could never dream of a better dad for Olyver. He is patient and hard working. He is everything I strive to be. He makes me happier than I ever thought possible. He is amazing.

He's my everything!

Tonights beauty

Tonight I was making Olyvers rice cereal, Wesley came up behind me and was holding our boy. I looked behind me and instantly just started bawling. I looked at my little Olyvers beautiful eyes and immediately saw Wesley.

I can't believe it. I simply can't wrap my mind around that Olyver is ours or that I'm Wesleys.

For some reason he loves me and chose me. Ill never understand why he did. All I know is he did and I'm lucky. Not only did I marry him.. But I had his amazingly perfect baby that is his complete twin!

How does it get any better than this?

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Killing? bad. Dexter? good!

DUN DUN DUN

And you think teen mom and jersey shooore is good!

I have an addiction.

And it's not killing.

This show is fabulous. But it makes me paranoid.

Now I think EVERY one could possibly be a serial killer.

If you haven't seen this,

get netflix, and watch it.

You will be forever grateful to me!



My bestest buddy

His name is Olyver!

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Poop explosion

I dealt with my first poop explosion today.

Oly got me.

He got me good!

And him self, his binky, his bouncer, feet and onesie.

I was truely amazed.

Who knew a little boy could make such a mess?

What amazed me the most is how I could love someone who

crapped all over me and my entire house.

If Wes would have done that, I don't care how much I love my husband.

I wouldn't have been happy.

:)

My Olyver boy!

I have thee most beautiful boy on earth.

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Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do

This is hard. I have many fears, but most I know I shouldnt even think about.

I hope I never see Olyver go.

Wesley and I talked about this and I told him I can't even imagine

the pain I would feel.

It would be unbareable.

I don't know how people do it.

I don't want to go too deep into that because even the thought of it kills me!

This whole 30 day challenge will probably take me 120 days. Just a warning. :)

January 17

This day haunts me.

I lost my sweet daddy 12 years ago today.

My whole world came to a halt.

I was 9 years old and will never forget every detail.

I thought my dad was just taking a nap in the other room,

and still to this day I wish I would have woke him up earlier.

Maybe I could have saved him.

This broke my heart for so long.. It still tends to.

But I've slowly realized it was out of my hands.

I can picture his face and how happy he would be to hold his grand baby.

He would be the proudest grandpa ever.

I know how very proud of me he is. I know he would absolutely LOVE Wesley.

I know he is waiting for my beautiful mother. I know he loves us kids more than anything.

I know I will get to see him again.

If I didn't know these things the pain I feel without him would be unbearable.

Late night rambling!

I DREAD night.

Normal moms cannot wait to sleep.  

But ugh, for months now I have nightmares all night

I dream that Wesley cheats on me and leaves me, that Olyver is being taken away, and that people are trying to kill me.

I go to sleep terrified because I know I'm going to wake up panicking 30 minutes later.

I wake up every 15-30 minutes all night long.

Every time I do I look at the time HOPING that its time to wake up.

Sleeping has become something I dread.

I'm sooo exhausted though.

It can't be very good to be waking up so much and I'm sure even worse that the sleep I do get I am panicking the entire time!

I just want a normal 8 hours of sleep!

Anyways, enough of my problems.

Olyver is changing like crazy. His voice has changed.

He wants to play all day long, and I love it.

He gets longer every day haha.

He's constantly excited. He throws his arms and I LOOOOVE it.

I wake up to him talking.. And bring him in bed with me..

We lay together for an hour and just talk. He smiles so big at me the whole time.

And the whole time I stare at him wondering how I got so freakin lucky!

I can't believe how precious he is!

I love my Olyver so much.